The Things I Cannot Change

15 Nov

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about the things that happen in life that I have no control over. In so many ways, I am solely responsible for what happens to me. I make decisions every day about what to wear, what to eat, how fast to drive, who to talk to, etc. But the impact of these decisions only goes so far. At the end of the day, there are certain things that, try as I might, I cannot have. Not because I don’t try, but because these things depend on the choices of others.

I can console, I can advise, I can state my desired outcome. I cannot force others to apologize. Assuming apologies are made, I cannot force others to accept these apologies. I cannot patch relationships, or make the unspoken said.

I feel very much like a character in one of those romantic comedies (or, if you rather, Nick from the show New Girl). The one who gets dumped and then stupidly protests, “I’m in this relationship, too! You can’t just decide to break up with me. I don’t want to break up and I don’t accept this!” I’m plugging my ears and shouting “I can’t hear you, this isn’t happening!” But regardless of my feelings and my desire to put in the time to make things work, I can’t make the other person (or, in my case, people) stay. Free will is a double-edged sword. My heart and soul is invested in my traditions and my relationships. I can give 110% until I’m blue in the face and exhausted, but if the other side isn’t willing to concede, compromise and put in the effort, it’s still not going to work.

Quite frankly, trying to be the voice of reason is exhausting. I’m worn out, emotionally drained, and broken. There’s some sort of saying out there about accepting the things you cannot change. I’m not one to accept defeat or give up without a fight. That being said, I think I’m finally realizing that I might have to accept the reality I’ve been given. I can only change so much.


2 Responses to “The Things I Cannot Change”

  1. lisa karn November 15, 2011 at 4:01 pm #

    I understand, and I personally wish those times to be the same so much that it hurts. Life was simple and even though there was emotional pain and family problems people were interested in talking and finding solutions. I have had to accept the fact that others opinion’s of me is none of my business and to stop trying and crying about it. Cause like you, I have to accept the reality I have been given. Chica I Love you!!!!

  2. Ali Trotta November 16, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    Great post, Andrea. Sending hugs….

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