Grasping at a Dream

2 Sep

Lately I’ve been having very intense, and very bizarre, dreams. I’ve been told by my fellow teachers that having panic-inducing dreams about the start of the school year is perfectly normal. But, the strange thing is that most of my dreams have nothing to do with school. Instead, they’re filled with phantom faces that I had forgotten existed and memories dusty from lack of recollection. They bring to mind ghosts of the past and some of the present that aren’t all terrifying, but leave me with that ache of nostalgia. A childhood park, bowling alleys, circus peanuts, hallways, basements, and the smell of Cucumber Melon lotion. Along with the images and smells are the sensations, ferocious in their depth. Two arms sharing an arm rest, painfully aware of their proximity to each other. The charged static of knowing who’s behind you and the ache of not turning around to meet their eyes.

I’ve never been one to examine the meaning behind dreams. I’ve had too many random, chaotic and utterly nonsensical ones to think that they’re anything but the scattered images of my subconscious. Still, it’s strange having so many of them leave me wanting to reach out and grasp…something. I’m far too blissfully happy in my own life to interpret the images of the past as something missing in my present. So instead I’ll take them for what they are: happy images of a wonderful childhood.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my novel (still a work in progress, but more on that later). It’s about a girl who’s roughly the age I was when I experienced most of these things that sleep has brought to the forefront of my mind. My hope is that what she experiences is as keenly real as what I felt growing up, and I thank my subconscious for reminding me what that’s like.

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One Response to “Grasping at a Dream”

  1. lisa September 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    Dreams can be crazy, but your childhood was wonderful, I enjoyed every second of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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