Archive | February, 2014

A Struggle with Faith and a Wish for a Friend

8 Feb

To say that I struggle with my faith would be accurate. This is a post about faith, but what I believe and why I believe them are not really the issue here. Let’s just say that I do believe. What I have the hardest time doing is believing blindly. These past couple of days, I have found myself questioning more than trusting.

I have a lot of friends and family more religiously inclined than myself. When there are posts of happiness on Facebook and Twitter I see a lot of comments stating that “God is good.” In those moments of joy, I can understand what all the fuss is about. To feel so blissful must be an act of a higher power.

It’s when the posts are ones of sadness that I find myself grappling with the larger picture at play. It seems that the standard religious response in times of hardship is one of two things. It’s either “The Lord only gives you what he knows you can handle” or “He has a different plan for you that hasn’t yet been brought to light.” Most of the time, I’m ok with that. I have been known to say myself that everything happens for a reason. In my own personal experiences, the times of greatest hardship were often followed up by times of greater joy that wouldn’t have been possible had the negative experience not happened first. I can’t help but wonder, though, why the pain has to be so great.

I have a friend right now who’s suffering the greatest loss imaginable. She’s a woman of faith. She has believed devoutly, is kinder than most I’ve known and was impossibly patient while waiting for a blessing. When her dream finally did come true I could not have been happier for her. No one was more deserving. Now that dream has been yanked away and I’m failing to understand the cruelty of her situation. I want to believe that an even greater blessing is just around the corner for her. I am desperate to believe it. But why does there have to be such devastation in the meantime? If this is all part of God’s bigger plan, if he is trying to teach her some sort of lesson here, does he have to be such a dick about it? I am a person of logic and reason, and I can’t see the reason behind this.

While I may struggle with these concepts, I’m not blind to the fact that in times of suffering it is often faith that pulls people through. The belief that there is a greater purpose for their struggles. I hope that these beliefs pull my friend through and that her pain fades quickly. Even more than that, I hope her dream is not destroyed. I hope it is merely misplaced, and that she finds it again soon.

Whatever you believe, please send your kind thoughts/prayers/juju in my friend’s direction. She needs them.